The science of employee stacking

In order to make the most efficient use of their space, many businesses these days have an open floor plan. At Hunt Adkins, we’ve devised an office arrangement that is more efficient by several orders of magnitude.

Every morning each employee is inserted into a comfy, seven-foot-diameter transparent sphere and sent rolling down a conveyer belt to be snatched between the steel talons of a giant mechanical arm and stacked neatly upon the HA employee pyramid.

Figure A man stepping into a large transparent sphere
Figure B man inside large transparent sphere rolling down a conveyor belt towards a giant claw crane
Figure C Giant claw crane placing the man in the sphere on top of other transparent spheres with people inside

Masters of discrete geometry will recognize this as something called face-centered cubic packing—a kind of stacking that grocers have been doing in the produce aisle for years. By thinking of our employees as oranges, we are now able to occupy our entire space from floor to ceiling with 74.048% efficiency.

You may wonder about such details as restroom breaks and claustrophobic panic attacks that set off chain reactions that lead to total pyramidal collapse and dozens of sphericals bouncing across the streets of Minneapolis. All we can say is that such are the challenges of growth; these are good problems to have.

Figure D Face-Centered Employee Packing Diagram
Figure E women walking with grocery cart looking at a stack of oranges
Figure F Man trapped in transparent sphere knocking and yelling